how to lie to yourself

let me just say that the anorexia i had was unintentional in the sense that i said "OH i eat food, that isn't anorexia, i wouldn't let that happen to me"

well, what do you call eating only 1200 calories a day then going to the gym and burning off 1,150 calories?

to me i said "there, it wasn't 1200 i still have 50."
"this was a perfect day"

i called these days perfect days. they made me smile. they really did. i don't know if the technical name for what i did is anorexia but form where i stand today, it looks a lot like it. i just used the gym instead of food. not that i ate enough, obviously. 1200 calories is not enough for an active person like myself.