you can't carry it with you if you want to survive

i want so much to grow up and be a good person and repay my parents for all their support and hard work they did to raise me. it kills me that julia ran away knowing now what my mom went through to raise us-all of us.

i am eating potatoes and white bread today and i feel a lot better. i did go workout for an hour but i intend to eat enough calories today

it's hard to stay focused when you hear comments:

are you a size five?

you are so tiny

you are looking smaller

you look really good these days

you look thin

you look thin

you look thin

these are just the comments i got in the past two days. everyone tells me how thin i look. all the time.

the worst part is i look down at what i think is my gut and i feel huge. i feel like 200 pounds. this isn't right. i look in the mirror and see that i look ok but when i look down i feel horrible.

how do you fix this? i'm determined to find out. i don't want to lose my life to something like a body disorder. i do actually feel really happy these days despite feeling ill. i just feel like i have a fire lit in me and i am just going to do what i need to do and that is just the end of that.

just time to get rid of the poison and try to improve every day. i'm not going to give my life over to anything. not a man, not a disorder, not depression. my life is mine and i'm using it to help people, especially myself.